Thanks to everyone for the feedback on the vacation. Talking with my therapist had me leaning towards allowing WW on the trip but I'm leaning towards disinviting her today. Very good points were made about the chances of it going poorly either because I can't handle it or she can't.
---
Over the weekend I was thinking about our whole situation and one thing that has always really bothered me is how someone who loved me, who says she still does, could do this to me.
If our situation was reversed I would absolutely put my affair on hold for at least a time to focus on the family and the divorce. Then it struck me that what would stop me from putting it on hold was thinking I was in love.
So I asked her on Monday if she loved her AP. She said yes. But a little later when we talked about potential custody things, she also said that she wasn't sure that she could ever introduce him to our daughter. Apparently AP is a kind of crude and, being over 50 years old, a lot less tolerant of alternative lifestyles. He used the word "faggot" in a joke (it wasn't even that funny, I asked). Our daughter is gay and has friends that are gay, trans, or non-binary.
And she loves this guy? Fucking limerence rots your brain. Might as well huff paint.
---
The consultation with the attorney-mediator was really good. I liked her style and approach to divorce mediation. She pre-emptively alleviated some of my concerns as she described the process.
It sounded basically fine to me but WW said things afterwards like "it sounded like hell on earth" and "I can't imagine putting my family through that."
Seems like something she should have considered before she started an affair. I can't possibly imagine how she could prove herself to me at this point.
I had a feeling that she'd do something wishy-washy like that because her modus operandi has been to try to keep the status quo at home while she got to do whatever she wanted outside of it. So I made a point of asking the mediator to put on her attorney hat and tell us what it looked like if mediation failed. And holy fuck is it ever a nightmare if the mediation fails. That's something I really wouldn't want to put my family through. Mediation seems like a leisurely stroll through a meadow of flowers and free beer compared to that.
