1.5 years in and don't know where to go from here

I've felt that our recovery has been stagnant for while, but last night my H and I had a terrible, emotional discussion about just that. I told him right away after D day that he'd need to ask me to marry him again, get remarried, and have a fresh start. I feel I need this in order to help my healing, feel more whole again, and mark this new marriage that we're in (since the first marriage is gone).

He's been hurt for a while because I don't say "i love you" first. I always say it when he says it first, but in the last 1.5 years I've maybe said it 3 times unprovoked. I do love him, but I don't feel like I can "put myself out there" yet and just say it to him.

Last night in our emotional discussion, he said how could he propose to me when I can't even say "i love you" first. I responded with the fact that I've needed this proposal/remarriage for over a year and it's wearing on me that he hasn't done it. We're just spinning in circles and I don't know where to go from here.

We also have the issue of his business. A business we helped build together and less than a month after it opened, he slept with someone there. I poured my heart and soul into that place, and I now hate it's existence. We've tried to get me comfortable there again, but every time we go it feels like the wound is getting reopened. He says I'm the most important thing in his life, but I'm sure not feeling it....hence why I also have a hard time saying "i love you" first.

Well the fact that I hate the business is another reason why he hasn't asked to remarry me. "why would you want to remarry me if you hate the business" or "why would I propose if I think you don't want to be with me because of the business"

In my head, having him recommit to me and having something significant to mark our fresh start is what I need to start to feel whole/human again.

He needs more love from me in order to do propose, but I need him to propose to feel like I can share more love with him....Just not sure what to do or where to go from here. Sorry this is very rambling. Any and all advice is beyond appreciated. Thank you

3 comments posted: Tuesday, June 17th, 2025

Exposure therapy for A location

Hi SI community. I’m in need of some advice.

My H and I started a business a few years ago. I put a lot of my blood, sweat and tears into renovating our building, and was so proud of what we had built together. Little did I know that my H was hiding suicidal feelings and eventually slept someone in the building just after we opened. It was his "rock bottom" with his depression.

We are in MC and IC and he’s been very determined to right all his wrongs. We are much better today, but the big hangup in repairing our relationship is that building. I can’t go there. It hurts too bad. I get sick just driving on the same street as it. When I’m there all I see is all the work I put into it and how he just threw it away, along with our dream of owning that business together.

Running through the possible scenarios for our future, I don’t see how we will make it if I have so much hatred for the building. Our MC agreed that Exposure Therapy is how we should venture into getting me better…but we’re stuck on how. He’s almost paralized by the gravity of this and hasn’t done anything in 5 weeks to help me.

Has anyone experienced something like this? Any suggestions on things he can do to make me comfortable again in the building?

10 comments posted: Thursday, February 27th, 2025