SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello again, I first joined this group a very long time ago. I have a long and awful story for you all. I found out everything in 2008, it broke me and my family. I tried everything to get through the process. After 5 years I couldn't do it anymore and I needed space and got advice for divorce. I went from Michigan to New York to spend time with friends for the summer. I had a friend that was a truck driver so I joined and saw a little the country and did a lot of thinking. Unfortunately, during this I had a stroke at 42 and woke up in a hospital in Arkansas. They were amazing and helped me but I had to return to Michigan and finish my therapy in a nursing home. My sons were so relieved that I was going to be okay my oldest, his wife, my youngest son and a friend decided to take a train trip to relax after the scare with my health. They sent pictures and texts having a wonderful time. Their last stop was NYC before they spent the night to return the next day. At 6am my oldest son's wife called and told us he was deceased. He was found in a closet in their hotel. My youngest was taken to the hospital and my in laws had to drive there to pick him up since I was still in the nursing home. It was ruled a suicide, March 25, 2015. It was devastating for all of us. Both son's didn't handle this lost and refused therapy. We all tried to carry on and honor him and his 2 children. I tried to keep recovering but my heart wasn't in it like before. Being still disabled i had to return to our home. He was my caregiver but I was not comfortable. My other 2 son's did whatever they wanted, and unfortunately the town was full of drugs. On July 18, 2021 my youngest decided to leave us as well. Another devastating loss, my middle son tried to keep going and he decided to leave us December 31, 2022. By then I was recovered pretty well from my stoke and was back to work. But throughout all of this the issues that I still had no closure from was never discussed. The stroke affected my speech so I didn't even try to talk about what happened to my life that he caused me to give up trying. After my last son was gone I moved to NY in 2023 and got a great job and my own apartment. Still he thinks everything is fine between us and that someday he'll transfer jobs here. I'm broken without my boys but have a wonderful support system here. He'll visit like we're still a married couple in front of people but I don't invite him. I actually feel bad for him because he lives in that huge house alone with his dog. He doesn't have friends come over. But I'm done pretending. I hope this post makes sense to anyone because it's a lot. I've learned that burying problems killed all of us and I want to be free from sadness. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for listening ❤️